Therapy Thursday # 12: Valentine's Day Edition

Some Valentines Day flowers from my darling Pops. If no one gave you flowers that day it's okay. We can share mine. xo

TOPIC: The Five Love Languages 

WHEN TO USE: If you're not great at communicating with your significant other. If they're not great at communicating with you. If you and/or your partner feel undervalued in the relationship even though the other party feels they are doing all that they can to show you their love. If you just want to know what the fuck your love language is, Dominique, GOD GET ON WITH IT. 

HOW TO USE (With Examples): Below are the 5 love languages as told by Gary Chapman, the author of the book with the same name. That last sentence was incredibly unclear. The book is called The Five Love Languages. The book is not called Gary Chapman. Onward. Each love language has an example of what that specific person might understand and recieve as a show of your love. If you don't want to get the book (it's corny as hell but its main ideas are useful a mon avis), you can take the quiz to find out your love language right HERE. REMEMBER: Below are simply VERY general examples of how someone with each love language MAY feel or MAY want to hear. Every person is different and the examples I provide below are not reflective of what everyone with that particular love language may want to hear/experience/feel/have/etc. In other words, always ask your partner what their needs are first. 

1. Words of Affirmation: "I'm the kind of person who wants to hear something along the spectrum of 'I need you, I want you, oh baby, oh baby.' I also appreciate general encouragement, and reassurance when I'm feeling insecure or uncertain. I like to hear that you love me and are here for me -on repeat. Compliments are often appreciated. I'm also a big fan of cards and letters, because, words." 

2. Acts of Service:  "I would find more joy in you cleaning my toilet than surprising me with a custom G-Wagon lined with the skins of a thousand Birkins. Maybe." 

3. Receiving Gifts: "Procure a signed, engraved, leather-bound script from the unreleased Sex and The City 3 or just come home with some Jollibee -really, who's counting? Also, I may like heartfelt cards, handmade goods, experiences paid-in-full (a soundbath session at the Integratron?! You shouldn't have!), etc. Pay attention to and note my interests, my Amazon wish-list, subtle hints, etc. And of course, ASK me what kinds of gifts I like receiving the most."

4. Quality Time: "Invest in me like I'm your stock portfolio. Date me, text me, call me, fax me. If it's printed on a candy heart, I'm probably okay with it. Even if it's just us sitting in on your couch, get to know me on that damn couch. Clear your schedule and make some time just for me. Introduce me to your Alexa. The more top-notch time we spend together, the more I am going to feel loved and appreciated."

5. Physical Touch: "You have my permission to put your hand in the back pocket of my jeans as we stroll the Fixer Upper collection at Target." 

WHY IT'S LEGIT: Because sometimes even though your partner thinks they are doing all they can to show you their love for you, the receiving party can't always see it. Once you learn your love languages, you'll each be able to see that while a back massage isn't worth shit to you, it's a massive shit to your bew. 

ABOUT THERAPY THURSDAY: Join me every Thursday on my Instagram story (@domjoellehaikel) as I share with you a new tip/trick I learned in therapy over the years. If you can't catch the stories in time, look out for written recaps like these or on my Instagram. 

Please read my disclaimer HERE.

What to Get Your Favorite Saddie For V-Day

Happy Valentines Day to everyone except my greasy hair and crispy ends

Self-care gift roundups can literally munch my beef sheets. If I had a pill for every list that suggests buying the mentally ill "moisturizing socks!," I'd look like the bottom of my purse. A Coconut-Colada candle isn’t going to drive me to my psychiatrist’s office, wipe my ass, or file my taxes. While objet d'Bed Bath and Beyond do appear in these suggestions, this list strives to move past bath bombs and deeper into unisex portable mobile toilet territory. You can even click on some of them to buy because I am such. A good friend.

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Emergency Love Kit - My boyfriend got me this for Xmas and I burst into tears because I was so touched. These are tiny slips of paper enclosed in 'pills' in which you, thoughtful gift giver, can write messages to your loved one. If your beeb is into sentimental choking hazards - this gift takes the cake. Click "Emergency Love Kit" to see how kewt they are. 

Self-Care Apps - In case you're my mom or older, you can give apps as gifts! Send your chicken nugget some games to mellow their anxiety or an ever-trending meditation app. 

Positive Affirmation Cards - I so badly wanted to find an ultra #curated deck to show off here but I came up with nothing. If you can get past the very Chicos-Mom art, Louise Hay (RIP) makes cards with v inspirational messages and mantras. 

Scrapbook or Photo Album - Get one and fill it up with pics and mementos of all the fun shit you two have done together. Something about having a physical book of memories to reach for is très touching and nostalgic. 

Bomb Ass Pillow – None of these suggestions are sponsored, I swear. I just genuinely like or want or have paid for all of them - including my boyfriends Casper pillow. Honestly why freak over Bitcoin when you can invest in your bed?

Pre-Paid Therapy Sessions - Way better than floating a tub of bath bomb glitter that wont wash out of your leg hair. If you know the name of the therapist they see, call or email and ask if (and how) it's possible for you to pre-pay for your loved ones next session(s). If they aren't currently in therapy, you may offer to help them find one and arrange a way to pay for their first session. If you don't know who they see (and you trust that they'll spend the money on therapy but don't mind if they end up buying some Gucci mid-heel pumps instead) a solid Venmo/PayPal/bag of cash will do. 

Massage Gift Card - Alternatively, you can take your other half out for a spa day if they're having difficulty motivating themselves to do things on their own. Even more alternatively, if you live in a city where a masseuse can come to your house, schedule a massage day for the two of you. I treated my post-grad thesis depression with an in-home massage using the Soothe app. And by "in-home" I mean she came to my studio apartment because I'm a shameless princess. 

Self-Help Book - This can be a v touchy move, so I recommend gifting this to someone you KNOW won't receive it as a personal attack. I enjoy reading about my illness, and about how I can treat it. But again, not everyone longs for dark chocolate and Depression For Dummies. 

Gift Basket - Remember that unisex portable toilet I threw at you? Put it in your hand-curated self-care gift basket (only if you're realllllllly, really, butt-sniffingly close with your loved one and know they won't react negatively). Other ideas? Here's where all those neurotypical #wellness gifts come in handy. Essentially you can put anything you think they might like in the basket, but for the sake of self-care, think candles, essential oils, face wipes, masks, even a fidget cube. Adult coloring books, a water bottle, pill cases, journals - all good moves. For more ideas you can check out my emergency self-care kit lists, here, here, and hereeeee. 

Massager - If an actual massage appointment is too pricey,  dollar stores have awesome little massage tools you can gift instead. If you want something grand, Amazon has some serious machinery for your neck, your back, your nanner and your crack -right here. 

Meal Delivery Service - If you live in an area where services like Blue Apron are available, this is a great gift idea for someone who is having trouble getting out of the house to go grocery shopping. If your town hasn't caught up with the delivery dinner in a box thing, offer to do their grocery shopping for them for a day. Another option - meal prep for them so they don't have to worry about cooking for a few days. 

Cleaning Services - Has your darling been neglecting their surroundings? Front the bill for some cleaning help. Handy.com is a lifesaver. They even have people to who can put together your furniture. Don't have the $? Offer to help them clean their space, do their laundry, organize their office, whatever. 

Pop Up Bed Tent - I know this shit looks aggressive, but its a godsend to anyone who wants to be left the fuck alone. Bonus: turn it in a love fort with snacks, pillows, and those tiny ass string lights that are all over Pinterest.

Weighted Blanket - Rumor has it that these work wonders for anxiety and other unpleasantries. I haven't tried these yet, but at some point I'm going to need to evaluate this on Trick or Treatment. 

Heated Blanket - My friend had one of these on her bed growing up which made sleepovers at her house the utmost. Anyway, if you haven't tried it, it's like falling asleep in a float tank of melted Milky Way's and not drowning. 

Good Times Jar - Gird your loins, DIY gifters. This is just for you. Similar to the Emergency Love Kit (but free), get an old jar, some scraps of paper and a pen. Write down all the good memories/qualities/etc. about your person on these papers and put them in said jar. The goal is for them to read the notes when they're having a shit day and be like .00333% less sad afterwards. 

Happy Valentines Day! I know this holiday blows for many people but know that I <3 you and you can CERTAINLY buy any and all of these gifts for your own damn self.